High maintenance second baby- how do you manage?

A was a tricky baby. She is now a wonderful pre-schooler but she was hard work as a baby and there was lots of tears on both sides!

E is a similarly tricky baby. She cries and cries and cries. Sometimes the sling will console her, sometimes not. Sometimes the dummy will console her, but mostly she doesn't want it. We are having very little 'happy' awake time. We just went for a walk to the park (in her Bee, as she cried to be released from the sling just before we left) and she cried the whole way there, while we were there and the whole way back. She wouldn't take a dummy and rocking didn't work. We left fairly quickly because I couldn't bear it any more.

I really wanted to spend some time with A today, but E will not tolerate it. A is missing out and watching FAR too much Cbeebies.

Does anyone else have a second child like this? How do you cope? I thought they were supposed to be easier ??

Hi Clarrie, I'm due my second in a couple of months and this is one thing I hope doesn't happen. Albeit my first is nearly 5 and will be at school most of the day, I want to be able to spend quality time when he is at home and am hoping my time isn't totally absorbed into the baby so i do feel for you.

How old is E? Has she always been like this or is it something quite recent?

Ruth

x

<sticks fingers in ears> Lal la la la I can't hear you. Difficult second babies aren't supposed to exist. Especially not if the first one was tricky.

No ideas I'm afraid, sounds tough. Maybe I should keep an eye on this thread and hope there are some tips.

You poor thing! I read the title of your post and thought 'sling', but I see you've already tried that.

I had a very clingy second baby with a 16 1/2 month age gap to her (at that stage non-walking) big brother, and it was difficult. All I can say is, it DOES get easier. The juggling is hard, but it won't be like that forever. That's probably the biggest thing I can tell you: none of this lasts forever. So: if your pre-schooler gets more TV than you'd like it's not ideal, but it can change as the baby grows. I did lots of slinging and tried to involve both kids in stuff: both come out to the washing line, get older child to 'help' while jiggling younger child, etc. And try to have special time with number one while number two is asleep.

Be kind to yourself - you're doing a difficult job. x

Sorry JB!! Ignore me!

Thanks Ruth- she's only just coming up to 8 weeks so perhaps I'm being a bit optimistic but the crying gets to me so much. Sometimes I have to leave her to to deal with A, and she goes into full on meltdown straight away with no let up.

Thanks so much Lizzy- that's just what I wanted to hear. It's good to know there are other babies similar in terms of wanting you all the time and that it does get better. At least A can look after herself a little bit, how on earth did you do it with a non-walking one?!! Gold medal to you! The sling does work sometimes so I think I just have to keep persevering with that.

Bless her, she definitely has some sort of tummy discomfort (reflux we think and the fact that she has to have a special formula for her PKU which is horribly thick and nasty looking) but I would just like some happy time!

Must dash, she's crying again

clarrie,

Are you getting any medication if she has reflux? If she's still unsettled it really is worth perservering until you find something that works - it makes such a difference. If it's just colic, that peaks around 7 weeks usually so you could be through the worst of it... much sympathy.

JM- yes, she's been prescribed Domperidone, which I think is helping although it's hard to tell! She can't have Ranitidine. Gaviscon didn't do much for her.

Aaaargh. Babies eh?! I think A got happier at 12 weeks so here's hoping E is the same.....

Well my saviour was a baby swing. 2nd baby was/is very high needs and we had an 18month old. She was generally happy ina sling I have to say but hated pram and just wanted to be held all the time (even when sleeping). The swing enabled me and the toddler to grab back a bit of time, an hour or two a day (she had a morning nap in there). Well worth our investment.

I sympathise and echo what other posters said that it gets easier all the time(baby is now one).

Clarrie, Have you considered taking her to see a Cranial osteopath? It could be that she has something wrong structurally which would mean that she could be in a certain position which  could be causing her pain or she could have a compressed diaphragm which would make it painful to lie down, painful when she hiccups, there could be a number of things which haven't 'fallen' into place from her birth that could cause her discomfort. It's certainly worth considering, the first treatment is about £40 and my opinion is what have you got to loose? At the most £40 but they could find that somethng is wrong and be able to help her. If she is finding it hard to settle then it could be as simple as this.

Do you know anything about Cranial Osteopathy?

Ruth

x

It is a challenge isn't it. We used the sling, the P&T pushchair was ok, but the baby swing was great. We got one that goes up to 11kg, and L at 6 months weighs 9kg, which is the max weight for a lot of swings, so I'm glad we got the bigger sized one as we can still pop her in it.

Oh yes, baby swing was the way here too for Alex - it bought time a few times a day.

Re the medication, when we got something that worked it made an obvious difference - not perfect, but a very clear difference. Unfortunately pregnancy brain has taken over and I can't remember what it was - began with m I think. I'd go back again if domperidone isn't doing the trick.

I've got a high maintenance no 3 baby, and I've struggled with him I have to admit.

He was fine for the first 5/6 weeks, but then reflux kicked in and he screamed practically the entire time he was awake. Poor thing was in agony with reflux, so being horizontal was no good at all. I got through it by using a sling (a lot!), tilting the cot up, co-sleeping (which I hadn't done with my previous 2) and also by keeping up the pressure on my GP to find some sort of solution to the reflux. First we tried Gaviscon, then Domperidone and Ranitidine to no avail. Eventually we got a referral to a Cons and got a prescription for Metaclopromide (sp?) which finally helped.

That was not until he was 17 weeks though, so we had ten weeks of hell. Unfortunately now (at 25 weeks) he's just started to get bad again and according to the Cons it's because he's rolling/trying to crawl. We're adjusting his meds and trying ot keep him upright as much as poss, but it's a case of riding it out until he's sitting most of the time and or walking...

If the Domperidone isn't working, please do go back as there are other drugs to try. Also try keeping them upright for half an hour after feeding and have everything on an incline rather than flat (even change mat!).

It's really hard, but my older 2 (aged 5 and 3) have learnt to be patient although it's been really hard at times. Also try to get people to give you a break, or give you time with your elder one. Naps slightly upright in the buggy might help too.

HTH a little, I do feel for you

x

Thanks so much everyone.It's such a relief to know it's not just us- every other second baby seems much more chilled.

Baublegirl I could kiss you. This sounds much like E. She only wants to be upright and/or asleep. It's so tough! I am back at the docs for her 8 week check next week so will raise it again then. I hope you manage to get your LO sorted again very soon.

No experience of two or reflux but don't forget that the 8 weekish mark is considered to be an unsettled time for many babies anyway. So you've probably got a combination of things going on here.

And there's lots of educational stuff on CBeebies so don't feel bad about that.

It will all pass in the end.

sorry to hear you are having such a hard time . for reflux you can get those baby hammock beds, they are supposed to help alot b/c they keep baby more at an angle than lying flat.  Mine didn't have reflux but was v colicky the first 12 weeks and I was put on a baby massage course that did wonders, she really calmed down a lot and it seemed to relieve whatever stress she was having. 

things do improve she was such an unhappy newborn and she's a relatively happy toddler now (except when she's not getting her way