Feeling rubbish today

I feel really rubbish today.

I thought I was ok, bleeding had stopped, was telling myself it was one of those things ect ect, putting the front on that its not the end of the world ect ect.

Today the bleeding has started again and I keep thinking 'what if'. What if I hadnt been on that areoplane when it was implanting, what if I hadn't had those 3 glasses of wine before I got my BFP. Also about things we were excited to be doing, leaving work, decorating the spare room ect.

God this is hard, my H is at work until 3.30pm so Im all on my own.

Rang and got the bloods last night, and it has only dropped a tiny bit so I've got to go again on Friday for another blood test, argh. Ive also started bleeding again, I thought that was over, not sure what to do. It makes me sad that if I did a hpt now it would still be +, but there is nothing there.

I'm supposed to be back to work tomorrow but Im not sure I can go and pretend everything is ok, Would it be wrong to call my boss today and tell her what has happened, will she keep it confidential? Am I just being a drama queen and should just get on with it? Will the doctor sign me off or will they think Im being silly as it was so early?

Sorry to moan

Oh honey, you will feel rubbish I have found that I have good days and bad days and the bad days are awful with lots of "what if" questions.

I think you should call your boss and arrange a few days off and, yes, it should be totally confidential. I rang my boss and she was so sympathetic and told me to take as much time as I needed. As I only work part time, I took 3 days off work which gave me 7 full days off from when I started to m/c.

At the end of the day, as soon as you see that BFP you imagine the future with a baby so it's never too early to become attached. The midwife at the EPU helped me to realise this.

If you ever need to chat, please do PM me, I'm a few weeks further down the line than you and know exactly how you'll be feeling. I feel like today will be one of my not so good days, my H is working til 4pm so I've arranged to do something nice with L to take my mind off things. In saying that, I'm getting more good than bad now, which is positive.

Take care and be gentle on yourself .x.

Definitely not being a drama queen.  It doesn't matter at what stage you lost your LO - you have every right to feel sad and upset about what could have been and you will also have good and bad days as you grieve.

The flying and the wine will have had no impact at all.  Everybody wants to know why it happened and with early pregnancy loss / MC usually there is no exact answer, except that something went wrong with the development of the pregnancy.  It's human nature to go back over things to find a reason why and it's always easier to blame yourself but it's not your fault.  The likelihood is that this would have happened anyway.  It's a chance occurance but in that way you are at no increased risk of having another MC.  Sorry i'm not phasing this very eloquently.

If you don't feel up to work tomorrow then don't go . If you have more hospital appointments anyway, then hopefully they should be fairly understanding.  Or do you htink maybe the distraction of work will help?

I had 2 MC (one at 9 weeks, one at 5-6 weeks) before my beautiful little girl arrived and it really isvery distressing.  I still feel sad now thinking about the 2 that could have been but it does get easier.

Good luck for Friday, hope everything sorts itself out as smoothly as possible.

Thanks, Ive just rang me boss, burst into tears and said I couldnt come in and pretend everything is ok when its not.

I wish my husband was here

Oh Sunny Day, I am so, so sorry you are having to go through this. Have a totally inadequate hug . I think you are doing the right thing taking some time off work, you need to give yourself some time to deal with this, both mentally and physically.Take care xx

Aww Sunny Day, I really feel for you, I think you have done the right thing calling your boss and she will definitely keep it confidential - or only the people that really need to know.

I havent really got any comforting words but please dont beat yourself up on things before your bfp, none of this is your fault.

How about watching your favourite film with a hot chocolate or a long soak until hubby comes home? Or the eastenders omnibus - cos that lasts ages!!!!!!!!!!!

And finally - dont apologise for moaning! we are all here for you xxx

  You need to go easy on yourself.  Your emotions are going to be all over the place and it is only natural to feel the way you are feeling.  You aren't being silly and no one else will think that either. 

I would definitely call your boss and take some time out.  You need to recover mentally as well as physically and being at work isn't the best place for you right now.  They will keep it confidential.

It is so hard losing a baby no matter how far along you are.  I know whenever I saw that line on the stick I fell in love instantly.

Take care of yourself.

x

so sorry to hear you are feeling so down today and having such a horrible time of it. 

Sorry I don't have any words of wisdom to share - just wanted to send you a hug - I wish your OH was with you.

Definately take as much time off as you need - your health and wellbeing is so much more important.

Michelle

xx

SD, lovely you poor thing, it must be so hard for you.

Please don't expect too much from yourself, I think it's important you take some time off work and look after youself. What did your boss say when you spoke to her?

I don't have any useful advice but I'm here to support you and you know where I am if you want to email and talk.

xxx

Thanks

she just said she was glad I had told her and that she wont tell anyone. I asked if I needed tog et a sick note but she said that would mean our secretary would know, so no and we would sort it out. I might get one though as she asked if she could send me some stuff to do at home and of course I said yes. But if I get a sick note then she might leave me alone. She was thinking it would help take my mind off things, which I suppose is true. I might get one for formalities I suppose.

She did ask when would I be back and I said I didnt know, but that Ive got more bloods on friday. She said she would ring me tomorrow, but its bound to be a quick hello how are you, lets talk about work kind of call.

If Ive stopped bleeding tomorrow and I have a good day Ill try and go in on Tuesday, I suppose Ive got to get back to normal at some point

Hi SD,

Firstly, hugs for you. I had my M/C almost 4 weeks ago and had to go in for a d&c 2 days later. I got given a sick certificate from the hospital which was for a week off work but I was told to only go back to work when I felt ready and no-one could tell me when that would be, its all personal preference. I had a week at home but felt I needed to get back to normal and get my routine back, so just stuck to a week.

However I still have days when I am in tears. Yesterday for instance a 17 year old girl at work announced her pregnancy 'mistake' and I had to go and have tears in the toilet and spent last night feeling really down in the dumps. Sometimes it hits you when you least expect it and it can take the wind out of your sails.

Give your body and your mind time to heal but don't feel pressured into doing anything you don't want to.

In regards to the positive pregnancy tests, I am still getting them and that hurts too as I know its not real if that makes sense? My doctor has told me to step away from the tests and wait until I have my period and then start trying again.

Please email me if you want to talk x websterc05@aol.com

xxxxxxxxxx 

SD don't rush yourself, whatever you are feeling right now is perfectly normal for you to be feeling.

Nothing you have done could have caused this, I know most people try and play the blame game when this happens (the BT wiki has a page called the blame game where people talk about what they did that could have caused their miscarriages and if you read it you'll realise that they're not true but people just want to find someone to blame and unfortunately it is usually themselves). Flying and drinking in early pregnancy will not cause a miscarriage, you did nothing wrong.

I'm glad you're not going into work, you need to take some time. I hope 3pm comes fast and you can have your H home to look after you.

Hi sunny day

I could have written your post word for word earlier in the year. All I can say is this is totally normal. There is no right or wrong way to feel, to act or anything. Take time out from 'life' to just concentrate on you and H and give yourselves time to heal.

It truly is up and down and you just need to go with your emotions. It is no less of a loss as it was early- it was still a life that you are grieving for.

Big hugs and do keep talking on here- I found it really did help.

Jo xx

And a P.S Please believe us all when we say nothing you could have done would have caused this. That is the one certainty

Sunny Day xxx

You've had some fab advice on here - I'll add my two-pennorth and say you mustn't rush back to work - I went back too soon after my first miscarriage and ended up bouncing back out and taking twice as long to return full time. Your doctor can allways write something innocuous like 'gynae problems' on your sick note if you ask.

The BTWiki page is such a good list to read when you're beating yourself up  http://www.btwiki.ebrey.net/index.php?title=Miscarriage/Baby_Loss_-_The_Blame_Game. It's almost laughable the list of things, mostly contradictory, pretty much all against modern scientific knowledge, that we beat ourselves up with. When you suffer loss your first reaction against this out of control event is to find some control in it, even if it's the control you think you 'should' have made.

Put it this way, I'm not perfect, I'm no better than anyone else, but I've lost 7 babies now. Seriously, even I'M not that bad!

Big hugs. Keep talking x