explaining death to a toddler? non religious

1

have just foung out that my grandad is dying. we maybe travelling down tomorrow (5 hours away) as i dont think he has long left. we arent that close (due to distance) but always visit when we can, so J (3 1/2) does known him.

how do i explain that great grandad is dying? we arent religious (we are christian, but have never spoken about God etc). so how do i explain without upsetting or scaring J

thanks

A

xx

It's a very tough one because it does depend a lot on your own beliefs. When we had to explain to my 3 year old nephew about Theo we told him that he was poorly and had gone to to stars. He now looks at the stars and says he can see him and sometimes in rainbows when they're about.

I'm really sorry about your grandad, it posted before I had finished

x

So sorry to hear about your Grandad.

How to tell a LO is really tough.  When my step-Dad died, my nephews were 2 1/2 & 4, and like you, knew their grandad even though they didn't see him often.  My brother chose not to tell the boys that anything was wrong, as they didn't see him that unwell.  When they did see him, you could tell from their behaviour that they understood something was up - all of a sudden they didn't try the usual rough & tumble play.

When my Step-Dad died, they told the boys he'd gone to live with the angels (they're not religious at all), living in Newcastle, the boys immediately took this as him living with the angel of the north.  Whenever they drive past, they always have a look for their grandad.

If I'm honest I really don't think there is a right or wrong way to deal with this.  Maybe just decide what you will tell your LO, and be ready to answer any, or no, questions

Thanks for the replies. I think living with the stars is a good answer. He doesnt know he is so unwell yet. not sure if we should mention it or not. he is a very caring little soul and I think he would be quite upset - but then will want to know why everyone else is upset etc

Axx

Thanks for the replies. I think living with the stars is a good answer. He doesnt know he is so unwell yet. not sure if we should mention it or not. he is a very caring little soul and I think he would be quite upset - but then will want to know why everyone else is upset etc

Axx

our party line is that when people are old or very sick their bodies stop working properly.  Sometimes if they can't get better the body has to stop working for ever and that's why we can't see them

Sorry to hear your sad news

It is very hard to explain, and im so sorry to hear your news about your Grandad, we did what Pip did and explain to my daughter that my daughters cousin has gone to the stars and when ever we go outside and she looks up she looks for the brightest star. My daughter is 6 so is older but I think any age is difficult.

Take care

Hi Planetanna,

Sorry to hear about your Grandad.

In my 'non-maternity leave' life I am a Counsellor and work with children. I have found this book and also 'Badgers parting gifts', particularly good - http://www.amazon.co.uk/Waterbugs-Dragonflies-Explaining-Death-Children/dp/082981180X/ref=sr_1_42?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1258669716&sr=1-42

Hope they help :)

that looks like a great book sweetcheeks. and thanks to everyone for their replies. grandad is still hanging in there - so havent mentioned it yet!

A

xx

E's Nanny died from cancer in August this year. They were very close and saw each other often, right up until the day before she died. As a result we had to explain to E about death when she was 25months. We told her that Nanny's body had stopped working (tried to steer clear from poorly as I didn't want her to think all poorly people die) and that she had died (we were advised to use factual words rather than passed away etc). We explained that she was going to heaven in the stars. E gave her her Peppa Pig toy to take to heaven with her and now looks for the brightest star and gets very excited when she can see it, waving and saying goodnight to it. We told her that when people died it was forever and that she wouldn't see Nanny again. She has remembered everything we told her at the time and now happily talks about it. She has dealt with the whole thing amazingly.

I'm really sorry to hear your news x