Dealing with Naughty behaviour when they don't talk yet...

Ok, so my C has always been a little bit of a monkey, but this past week he has been horrendous! He's 14 months old and just challenging everything that you do with him and is just generally being really tough. It's like all of a sudden he has lost all fear of anything. For example, yesterday, he was sat on our bed (which is very, very low.... it's like one of those japenese style ones) watching Cbeebies whilst I sorted my hair out. He decided he wanted to get down so instead of turning round and sliding down backwards, which is what he normally does... he just stood up on the bed and walked off!! Luckily, it's not a high bed so he didn't hurt himself too much.

Then about 30minutes later, he did the exact same thing on the couch down stairs. He is pulling on the curtains, throwing toys, smacking all the time and throwing THE most explosive tantrums.

The problem is is that I am pretty sure a lot of it is down to his frustrations. He's always been quick off the mark really what with walking at 9months and never wanting to sit still and I think he is finding it difficult to understand why he can do most things now, apart from being able to communicate and tell me what he wants. He points and grunts at stuff (mainly stuff he isn't allowed to have) and then when he doesn't get them, he throws a massive hissy fit.

What do you find is the best way of dealing with this stage?

I'm not overly worried because he is a lovely smiley boy the majority of the time but he is so very head strong at the moment. He understands my tone when I say 'No!' and 'Naughty!' and his reactions are mixed. Some times he listens straight away and other times he just cracks up laughing

What works best for you?

L was like this too, he's much better now that he can communicate a bit more.  I used to tell him "no" and explain to him why he shouldn't do something then distract him from the naughty thing he was doing.  It worked most of the time.  Oh and don't let hiim see you getting cross or frustrated if he laughs at you telling him off!  That used to make L do things over and over again!

He sounds normal to me, L went through naughty phases and is currently in the most amazing, lovely phase

Z x

Thanks ziggy. Yeah, I do try and look away when he laughs because I really have to stop myself from laughing at him.

It's definitely just a phase and I know once he can communicate a bit more, he will be a lot better.... that just seems a long time off yet

He did the cutest thing on Sunday though. I had just washed and dried my hair and he loves to brush my hair whilst I am sat on the floor. So he grabbed the brush and started brushing it really gently and then came round the front and went "awww' and gave me a kiss on the lips which he rarely does. It made up for his naughtiness for the whole of last week. But I am pretty sure he knows that if he does something cute, all will be forgiven. Lol.

I think, as at any age, you just need to be consistent with your actions when he is naughty.  I'm sure he can understand a lot at that age, even if he can't communicate back to you.  I find distraction is a good way of dealing with bad behavious, when the telling off doesn't seem to have much effect.  To be honest, it doesn't get all that much better when they can talk - they are still naughty and can talk back too!!

Aaaw bless him!

I know what you mean about not laughing though - L hit the cat yesterday so I told him off, made him apologise to the cat, then he said very seriously "naughty mummy, naughty daddy!".  I couldn't help it, I nearly fell over laughing!  Probably took away the seriousness of the message but I couldn't help it. 

It definitely does get easier when they can talk but unfortunately that is when they can answer back!  Oh, and they can tell tales....... when the microwaves dings in other people's houses L says "tea time"!! 

Z x

that's excellent! I know I am probably going to regret saying this (like I regretted ever wishing he could walk... lol) but I can't wait till he can talk and say the cutest things. Although knowing C, he will probably pick up all the bad words from other people and use them to show me up.

I could have written your post myself!

A is nearly 15 months and is exactly the same.  She points and says single words, knows exactly what she wants (its normally a banana!)  She goes loopy when she doesnt get what she wants. 

She is also a little drama queen to add into it.  Yesterday she was playing with the steering wheel for the Wii, she plays at driving the car and beeping the horn, then she chucked the wheel across the room.  I told her "no, thats very naughty, thats Daddys and you shouldnt break it!"  She replied with blowing me a big kiss!!!!!  I turned away from her, to stop from laughing more than anything and she put her head in her hands on the arm of the sofa and started big exaggerated sobs, totally over the top, every now and then checking I was watching!  I couldnt believe it! 

She is also hiting lots jus now, slapping faces etc  She also thinks its hilarious when you tell her no, so I have no idea what o do other than move her away and try to distract her.

Oh C is totally obsessed with bananas too mrsJKN... especially rubbing them into my brown leather sofa

It's really tricky to get right isn't it? I know they need to know but it's so hard to discipline properly without laughing when they look so cute. Although, I am better at it than H is..

Yeah my H also laughs everytime I gave A into trouble.  We had a chat about tha the other night actually so I think he is a bit more on board.  I just know though that I am going to be the bad cop!

Oh me too! I'm really aware of the fact that I am becoming the boring responsible parent in Cs eyes whereas daddy is the fun loving, care free one.

Ooh just thought of another top tip!  Don't sweat the small stuff!  I found myself telling L off all the time at one point, he was (is!) such a cheeky monkey.  Sometimes though he was doing it to get a reaction.  So if it's not too terrible I ignore it and distract - difficult to do when you know they are trying to push your buttons!

Aren't they great though, I'm loving the toddler stage and I never thought I would say that a few months ago!

I could have written all of this about Leo. He's 15 months too and is a stroppy nightmare at times. He's also incredibly cheeky and mischievious and very lovely at times too.

I have adopted a zero tolerance approach to hitting. Telling him no didn't work. Neither did saying ouch and showing him how sad he made me or whoever was hit so now if he does it he goes straight into his buggy for a few minutes. While he doesn't understand time out yet he knows full well now what happens when he hits and has, for the most part, stopped it.

Yesterday we had a bit of a showdown about him helping to tidy up his bricks, he went through the full range of tantrum, I'm wounded, distracing me by pointing out the window, asking for cuddles, stomping, raging, tickling me before he realised none of it was working and helped me put them away. All I did was return him to the bricks whatever he was doing and cheerfully said we need to put them away now. I had to say it at least a hundred times but it worked. I ignored the tantrums and bad behaviour and when he was trying to distract me I just kept saying no, we will cuddle/read/look out the window etc later once we have put the bricks away.

I find with Leo repetition is the best. He has to sit down to drink his night time milk so rather than keep telling him no I just put him back to where he should be and tell him that we must sit down when we are drinking. I keep doing it again and again and yesterday he did. I ignore him completely when he tantrums about being put back and just keep talking in a cheerful calm voice after he's stopped.

He does understand no and stop but he doesn't always listen but I have found the less I use them the more effective they are. I try to use distraction and encouragement to stop the behaviour before it's started and I keep reminding myself (thanks to The Bag) not to sweat the small stuff. If he's about to touch something that he shouldn't I just move him now and try to distract him with something else. I keep the sanctions and sterness for the anti social and dangerous behaviour.

Thanks eponymous that's a really useful post. I think I might start trying to do that. I do need to let the small stuff go... I know that's one area which I need to work on. I get most wound up with the smacking and the hitting all the time. Oh and the constant climbing on me and kicking me in certain areas that hurt <whince>

I agree about keeping the sanctions until it's really anti social. Me saying 'No' all the time is just going to wear thin and he will just realise he can do whatever he wants, when he wants. Thanks. Oh and thanks to you too ziggy.

It's so hard to get it right isn't it?

My LO is 20 months and he is entering the naughty phase, though has always been a little monkey! He has started throwing things, not just when he's in a rage but sometimes I think just so see if they break! That's what winds me up and it's true...he knows it as he sees me getting cross and just shouts 'naughty!!' and laughs, then does it again!!

Will is a good talker, so he doesn't get so frustrated as such, but he just wants to be into everything and isn't very good at sharing (what toddler is though I suppose). On Sunday I was giving his 10 month old cousin a toy to play with and he came running over shouting 'no' and snatched it and threw it across the room. My 4 week old nephew was nearby and therefore I felt I needed to really tell him off as he could've hurt either of the babies. My mam was there and said, 'oh he's too young to understand' but I really feel like I couldn't possibly ignore that behaviour. What good it did coming down to his level and telling him off though I don't know as he just laughed.

It's a minefield...I'm so determined that he's going to grow up to be a 'nice' boy and polite, well mannered and behaved but I constantly feel like I have no idea how to deal with his behaviour!