and if anyone wants to 'one heart' this, knock yourself out...\ /
hi all! not sure if many people will see this, being that it's a
weekend, and you will all be having those life things, rather than
hanging on for news from me. 
but here goes...
well...there's good news and there's bad news
we had two good quality embryos to transfer and they are hopefully getting comfortable in my uterus as we speak. 
the bad news is yet again, none to freeze. 
in fact the others either had hardly divided at all or were really
really poor quality, worse than last time. and i'm not a noble enough
person not to admit that i'm absolutely gutted about that.
i
know it 'only takes two' and all that but last time we 'only had
two'...and it didn't work. and i've had such a grim time this cycle
that i can't see me attempting it a third time which is why i wanted
some to freeze so so much.
in
fact i actually burst into tears when the embryologist said it was 'a
good result' and said 'good result? are you kidding? it's rubbish!' poor man. 
the transfer really really hurt 
but in case i scare any IVFers to be, this is because i have a tilted
cervix and uterus, and they can't use the standard cathater. also my
bladder was so full it was pressing against my poor bruised ovaries and
i was nearly crying in the ward. in fact so much so that the nurse
asked the consultant who isn't TP if i could go first. so to the other lady who was waiting i'm sending a virtual apology, i'm so sorry but i was in agony! last time it took three
attempts before my bladder was full, this time the consultant who isn't TP sent me out to have
a wee ('about a pint' please. and how was i going to measure that? ) as i was nearly crying trying to lie down too.
poor consultant who isn't TP practically had his entire hand in my chuff at one point trying to
get the bits and pieces in me. ('lets get your tilted uterus sorted
then!') he was so nice so i've changed my mind about him, i like him
after all. bet he would be so pleased to know that! it's amazing how a man having his hands and a load of metal impliments up your chuff helps you bond... 
as i was waiting there was a lady in the next cubicle (there's absolutely no privacy there ) who'd just had EC and was crying, with a lady doctor trying to
comfort her, so i'm guessing she had no eggs poor thing. at least i'm
still in the game and should be grateful for that.
i
had a prescription to pick up, and there was a twenty minute wait. so i
went to the chapel rather than wait there and said a prayer for my
little babies, and for all you ladies on DTC, whether you are pregnant,
awaiting treatment or needing the strength to move on, plus all the other hitched/DW mums to be and babies. i'm not
religious so probably a bit hypocritical, but it helped me collect my
thoughts and realise we can only do what we can do. there's no point
worrying now about the cycle, or the lack of mature eggs, or lack of
frosties. it's now in the hands of fate.
thanks so much for all
your good wishes over the last few days, and hope if anyone still has a
dream to dream that it will soon come true 