When AF arrived on Thursday I realised me and H have been TTC for 10 months. While we started off 'relaxed', we've been kidding ourselves lately and are getting increasingly stressed out and upset every month it doesn't happen.
Is there any way I can get rid of this feeling of being in limbo - don't feel I can apply for other jobs etc as I might have to go on maternity leave, which is affecting my enjoyment of work in general - either thinking what's the point in trying hard cos I might get pregnant, or what's the point in being extra productive, not like I'm finishing up anytime soon. I also feel rubbish about Xmas and forthcoming events and occasions because I start getting hopes up and thinking of excuses for staying off alcohol or telling relatives the news, but just have a feeling I still won't be pg and will get drunk and possibly weepy about TTC. Looking for holidays has been a welcome distraction but can't really book anything for next year, and don't want to spend loads of cash, as I want to make sure we have some money put away so I could perhaps work part-time if we had a baby (if, if, if!!). If that's not enough, I'm putting weight on with no motivation to diet as I might be fat soon anyway - which isn't a great attitude, especially when staring at my fat ass in Dorothy Perkins' changing rooms earlier today.
Sorry this is such a self-pitying post - and I know there are so many people who have much more stress and heartbreak around the whole TTC shebang, but I just want to shrug off this grey cloud of what-ifs and what-if-nots. Any advice/suggestions??