How to cope with H having control of money whilst on ML

Is he cancelling the skiing trip because of money-related issues or because the dynamics of the group have changed - or both?

The Mrs:

2 holidays booked and he wants to cancel both. This is not fair especially as they have been booked since Z was born and when you were on reduced income so whether you could afford them or not should have been looked at then. I think you have every right to your say but at the end of the day if you really can't afford them then you can't go.

Do you think that as you are not aware of the financial situation that maybe things are tougher then what you have been led to believe?

I'd rather cancel both holidays than risk not being able to pay bills / mortgage ... the holiday cost is one thing then you have spends on top - why not holiday at home, easier with a small person than going away and you can go and do fun things as a family

He's come home and we' ve chatted about it.  It isn't a case of we can't afford it, it is that he wants to be in a position of having no debt so it paying off extra from the mortgage etc and by not having the holidays can put that money towards the mortgage.  I suppose it's different view points.  He thinks the mortgage should be the absolute most important thing to clear whereas i consider it as something that we'll always have.   

TWR, if it was a case of not being able to pay the bills then of course I wouldn't hesitate to cancel the holidays.  I'm actually much better at the economising thing than H is but then if we have money I want to spend it. 

I know lots of people have said that it's joint and we should make decisions together but I really can't help but feel that he should have a bigger input into the decisions because he earns more money.  I know it's not a common viewpoint.  I think a lot of it is because I made a decision to change my career and take a path that means I don't earn much but enjoy my job so I feel guilty that I don't bring in as much money as I could have.

My ex-H never let me have anything to do with the finances and we enjoyed a nice life and I loved the fact I didn't have to worry about bills.

Shame when he left and it came to our financial settlement I discovered he'd racked up 30k of personal debt which he wanted me to pay off half of... Luckily as I was earning much less than him and had no knowledge of the debts and hadn't signed anything I wasn't liable. But I sure got a scare.

I's say it's fine to let H manage your finances but do make sure you know in your head broadly what's going on money-wise and what you can and you can't really afford. Until then you can't really be in any position to decide whether a holiday is affordable.

I am in two minds about this, partly as I really hate it when we plan something and then my husband changes his mind so I can understand why you are upset but if I am honest I don't think your husband is being unreasonable, I think he is being sensible. He hasn't cancelled the first holiday, just postponed it till March so you still have that to look forwards to and as for the skiing it sounds more like he doesn't want to go because most of the people who you are going with aren't going. I think that is reasonable too as I imagine a large part of the holiday is the social aspect if it is something you do every year with the same people. I also think in the current climate being sensible with money is important and wanting to pay of the mortgage early is admirable as it give you much more scope in the future to move to somewhere bigger, extend, money for university fees etc etc etc. As soon as I go back to to work after my maternity leave I will be sticking money away each month to go towards paying off our mortgage as quickly as possible.

That does put a slightly different perspective on the situation but, tbh, you are choosing to abdicate responsibility for the decision-making - I don't see how you can then complain about it being a bit erratic if that's what he's like, especially given that his motives are generally sensible if a bit on the boring side.

I could never do the whole surrendered wife thing!

jerseymonkey:

That does put a slightly different perspective on the situation but, tbh, you are choosing to abdicate responsibility for the decision-making - I don't see how you can then complain about it being a bit erratic if that's what he's like, especially given that his motives are generally sensible if a bit on the boring side.

I could never do the whole surrendered wife thing!

very much wjms for me. 

having seen my mum be up sh*t creek without a paddle after my dad died because she knew nothing of what he was doing financially, I would simply never allow myself to be in that position.  I am now divorced so in charge of all financial decisions, but I feel a damn sight more capabale of doing that because I insisted on knowing everything that was going on when we were married.

I can understand you being disappointed about the holiday situation, but your H is erring on the sensible side. 

You can't have it both ways - you either get involved with money decisions and have a say, or you abdicate responsibility adn then have no say. I thought this was about you being on ML and not contributing but tbh if you're choosing not to be involved then you can't really complain I'm afraid.

You are all too sensible

I bet you can understand why I don't have credit cards.

H and I are in a similar situation tbh, I'm really crap with money and he is less crap. He gets a text from the bank every week with our balance and all I ask him is if we're ok or not. I set up all the bills on DD and did the whole uswitch thing when | started ML and that's about as far as my involvement goes. I've just sold my car to fund an extra 2 months off work and then he told me we have a savings a/c I knew nothing about.... I'm now planning an update to our kitchen with this 'bonus money' yet he wants to use it for sensible stuff. bah humbug, I wish he'd not told me it was there tbh.

I'm a total ostrich when it comes to finances... I know we're skint so I don't need to know exactly how skint as it's just too depressing It does annoy me when he springs stuff on me though and I'd be really miffed at having 2 holidays cancelled that had been booked with our present situation taken into a/c.