Anyone raised thier children in faith/church without husband?

It's been on my mind a while now as I was quite involved in my church as a yongster and i really think it helped me though a lot of times.  I want my children to have that inner strength that i got from my church/faith to help them growing up in these difficult times.  I've ffound a church that i like and Tyler loves it too (we had tears when we left yesterday!) but my husband is not at all religous and almost anti in some ways.  The church is very family focussed with lots of social things going on outside of church but they are also strongly believe in active faith. So not just going through the motions of going to church on sunday, but actually living your life according to your faith....does that make sense?

So i dont know how it's going to work if I get back into church and take Tyler along if his dad doesn't. Will it be confusing to him?  Also it's a chunk of sunday that we're not together as a family and we dont get much time together as it is.  I dont know what to do really.

Anyone have experience of one parent going to church while the other doesn't?

Carebare

Yep me and Joe go to church  usually 2-3 times a month without my H, i was brought up going to church and wanted Joe to learn about our religion my h is in know way against it and rather than believes in the faith thinks the church community is a good thing for him to be involved in but doesnt come, only if its something important/christmas

so me and joe go on our own

x

Thanks for you reply AngelVic.  How does your H handle any of Joe's questions then?  Last night Tyler was asking about God and about things about the church and I was trying my best to answer but H seemed quite uncomfortable and I think Ty picked up on it. He also asked why didn't Daddy come with us.  I just said because Daddy had things to do in the house (we're decorating so it's not a lie) but I dont know  what to say as most of the other people in church are there as a family?

We were brought up like that - my Dad is an athiest (well, he says agnostic but his opinions all appear to be atheist!) and my Mum got ordained (CofE) last year.

My brother and I both went to Sunday School (Methodist, and neither parent came with us I think) and then CofE church later (Mum then got involved and the rest is history!). The church did (and still does I think) a lot for the community where we grew up, and I think it was good for us to be as involved as we were. I certainly don't remember thinking it odd that Dad didn't come with us - if you want your children involved in the church then I see no reason for you not to go without your H (provided he is ok with it).

As for living according to your faith, I think most of that is your morals, respect for your fellow man, trying to do right by people etc, which can only be a good thing and will set your children up to be good, upstanding members of the community. Which both of you would want!

Similar story here - my Mum went to church (CoE) every Sunday and was v involved with the church on the flower arranging rota, doing readings, delivering the newsletter in our village etc and my Dad had his own beliefs and went only at Xmas (and even then not every year). I went to Sunday school and was confirmed at 15 etc and it never bothered me that my Dad had a different approach. I don't think I even questioned it but just accepted it as it was our family's version of 'normal' IYSWIM?

I think it would've been good if we had discussed it when I was a bit older as a basis to have a discussion about different beliefs and how Dad's beliefs were perfectly ok just different to Mum's and what I'd been taught (I also went to a CoE school and lived in a not terribly diverse community).

Best of luck

x

Hi, I just wanted to say I totally know where you are coming from. i havnt got time just now to go into it as Im on my way out in a min, but feel free to email me if you wanna chat about our situation. juckle02@yahoo.co.uk

Ive had it from both the angle of me a believer and my ex H a total athiest, and now my current h is a believer but stopped going to church. Now we have kids it can be quite difficult, but going to church does definately benefit the kids

Sorry carebare should of mentioned j is just a baby so no questions as yet, but you have me thinking about when/if he does.

As a small child i went to church with my mum and dont remember questioning why dad didnt come but to be honest he didny come to a lot of things we did so maybe thats why, could you speak to your h to see what he would like you to say to your lo ?

Thanks for sharing all your experiences with me! I think you're right that he'll just get used to it being the norm for us.  I think he finds it tough at the moment as he adores his dad and likes to be involved in everything so it was strange for him not to be with dad at the weekend.

thnaks Jingle, i will pop an email to you this evening when i can concentrate a bit more!

Angelvic, thats a very good idea about asking H how he'd like to handle it, thanks.

My mum raised me that way - we went to Church every week and dad never did - not even at Christmas.  I just accepted it as normal and I'm now a Christian and a whole-life commitment type as you describe.  It sounds like a good church from what you've said.

we have similar issues. I'm Jewish, and so are the children - but H isn't. At the moment I'm pretty rubbish about jewishy stuff around the home, so apart from the lack of pork/shellfish, not much goes on. But Megan goes to a lovely Jewish preschool and picks stuff up there - and we see a lot of my parents. Around festivals and things we will be more participatory (is that a word?). Eventually I'd like to get to the point where we have a weekly family friday night ceremony/meal at home and maybe go to synagogue once every month or two (rather than the 'on high holy days' as it is at the moment). H is happy that our home is a Jewish one (we had long discussions over it before we got married) and although he has no desire to get much more involved, I'm sure he'd be fine if I did more with the kids.

the fact that we're Jewish but their daddy isn't is just going to be a fact of life for the children - they won't have known any different. Maybe similar to the fact that mummy is a football fan and daddy isn't particularly bothered, but he'll join in sometimes (which is also the case ). I'm not sure I'd want to break up our family weekend time by going to synagogue every week but that's my personal priority system.

Hi,

Both myself and H were brought up in families where dad didn't go to church and mum did, I don't remember it being at all confusing. instead I would say that it's a positive thing and you should be completely open with your kids about it, we live in a society made up of people of all different faiths and none at all, and having your kids realise that not everyone believes the same thing will hopefully make them more accepting of other people and their different belief systems (or non-belief).

Sx

I go to church with the children. My husband doesn't.

The best we've done is he SOMETIMES helps out at the family service (strictly practical stuff) but even that's a source of tension between us. We had a row about it yesterday actually.

Anyway, all I can do is provide the option for my children to go - I wouldn't not take them because their dad doesn't believe. he is mainly good at not undermining the way I want to do it as he doesn't feel strongly anti religion. 

It's sad - I'd love us to go as a family - but I can't force him. when the children are old enough to decide for themselves I'll have to accept what they want too, but for now my 2 year old actively enjoys church and the 10 month old likes the music, so we all jiggle along together.

the only pain is it's hard to wrangle the two of them (tabitha had to use the potty in yesterday's service - what to do with crawling baby? had to leave her on the floor ) on my own and I'd love us all to go, but it's not going to happen. Sadly. But we'll still attend. 

I don't think it's confusing - I was brought up with agnostic father and church going mother. I broke away from the church as a teenager but wasn't confused because Mum believed and Dad didn't. In a way I think it made it easier for me to accept that some people have differing views and that free will is part of religion - and that we have the choice.

I'm catholic and Mr Rabbit is an aetheist - we've agreed to differ on things religious but I take B to mass 2 or 3 Sundays a month and she's been baptised. She'll do her first holy communion and then taking things further will be up to her - I argued that I wanted her brought up with faith there and the option to leave it later rather than not having it (and to be honest I find it important for me to attend mass)

Its not easy doing church on my own (when its full of other couple families) and will be harder with 2 but I'm sure it'll work - religion will be something I do and Daddy doesn't but Nana and Pop do