How often do you have sex?

of cause if want it regulary we should do it, for me 3 times a week is normal

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GMT:

I always find threads like this rather heartening as they make me feel less alone. My H and I have sex about 4 times a year if I'm lucky. I don't know what's worse, the fact that it has always been like this (we made love once on our honeymoon .... he has a zero sex drive it would seem) or that where once it used to be a real issue for me, I now have no desire to have sex with him ….

Emma Numbers, that sounds awful! Poor you.

At least you both a had a reason for not indulging .....

Surely it doesn't matter how often you have sex compared to other people? What matters is whether you have sex more or less often that you would like to, and whether that's a problem for you or not.

My answer to the OP is as often as I want to, taking into consideration a toddler and regular life stresses.

Ladelley:

Surely it doesn't matter how often you have sex compared to other people? What matters is whether you have sex more or less often that you would like to, and whether that's a problem for you or not.

I think that is the most important thing, everyone is different and comparing yourself to them is never going to be productive. As long as you and your OH are both happy with the frequency then things are fine.

GMT, is there any reason why your H may not be erm, inclined to partake?  Has it always been like that?  Would counselling be an option?  You sound very down about the whole situation, that can't be good [big hug]

Our lack of sex life can be an issue but I seem to be the one that gets the blame, MrSun doesn't take any responsibility for the fact that he works such long hours and doesn't compensate with extra sleep and is therefore too knackered.  He doesn't see that at all and seems to think it's completely my fault.

ooh la la:

Emma Numbers, that sounds awful! Poor you.

It was only when I took my bodice off at the end of the night that I realised anything was wrong.  It hurt to breathe.  Was in too much pain to sleep and spent the night crying and waiting for the emergency doctor to come out to our hotel.  Next day everyone thought H had been too rough with me .  I wish.  At least our wedding night was memorable (I can laugh now).

I agree with the others who said that it doesn't matter how often other people have sex, it's how often you want/are comfortable with it that matters.

crikey emma, i have a recurring muscle spasm in my chest cavity wall and thats bad enough! i can't imagine how painful actually tearing the cartilage is!

I'm in the "not very often" club.

we've probably done it a couple of times this year.  We both fancy each other and we kiss (though not passionately) all the time and pinch each others bums in passing, that kind of thing.  Just that with jobs, a toddler, knackerdness and TV (yes, I know) we don't seem to get round to sex.  I think we both feel the same about the situation, we'd like to do it more but don't get round to it.  I also think that you get out of the habit.  The last time we had sex we both said how much we enjoyed it and how we should get back into the habit.  For that reason I had the mirena fitted, however I had a few issues early on (it pretty much came out) and then constant bleeding and it killed any mood for me whatsoever.

HOWEVER- the bleeding has stopped for the last 3 or 4 days.  We're at the end of a fortnight's holiday and stepson has now gone home.  H has worked from home today so MAYBE tonight could be THE night!!!!!!!!!!!

Sunset21:

GMT, is there any reason why your H may not be erm, inclined to partake?  Has it always been like that?  Would counselling be an option?  You sound very down about the whole situation, that can't be good [big hug]

Our lack of sex life can be an issue but I seem to be the one that gets the blame, MrSun doesn't take any responsibility for the fact that he works such long hours and doesn't compensate with extra sleep and is therefore too knackered.  He doesn't see that at all and seems to think it's completely my fault.

Thanks for asking, Sunset. If I look back, Mr GMT has never had a particularly high sex drive but back then, it was maybe a little disguised. Fr example, before we were married we lived miles aaprt and he had a number of lodgers and not very thick walls. So when I used to stop over, he'd say he didn't like the idea of 'doing it' with listening ears. Then there was a urinary infection. Etc etc.

When we were first married I tried to bring it up with him and talk about it in a non-confrontational way but he got very up tight about it and accused me of wanting go at it 'like rabbits'. He also tried to get me to say how often I wanted to make love and I tried to say it wasn't about numbers, but desire, sel esteem etc, but it all just went over his head.  I felt he didn't see there was a problem, and if there was a problem, I ws the one who had it, IYSWIM! I was very upset about it for a long time and unwisely, didn't pursue the issue.

Now I have reached the point of not actually wanting to make love with him anyway - maybe absence makes the libido die ?! (And no, he wouldn't go to counselling to anyone for anything, and certainly not for anything so personal.)

On a more general note, of course there's no rule for how often a couple should make love. The only correct answer is what's right for you, and as we know, what's right for one person doesn't always match up to what's right for the other. The challenge is to work out a path down which you can both comfortably travel, with any compromise shared by both sides ....

Sunset, I'm sorry you get the blame when things get out of kilter!

I thought we were in the not very often club, which is about 1 to 2 times a week sometimes more and sometimes less but reading other people posts I can see we do it more than others do.

We don't live together but when we're together we normally have sex at least once a day and we both have high sex drives.  Unfortunately due to problems on my part that I'm waiting to see someone about we haven't had sex since February and we're both very upset about it .

Edited to add I agree with what's right for you is right for you, regardless of how often other people have sex.  And my sympathies go out to the people who want more but aren't able to for whatever reason.

We do it less than my husband would like, although he isn't too excessive in his demands. However, I have various issues around sex which makes it challenging and added to that 3 babies in 4 years, the youngest who is 17 weeks and in our room it does make it challenging. We go through phases where we do it more regularly, which would be about once a week but more often I reckon it is more like once or twice a month.

ooh la la:

Geekypants - Do you mind me asking if this was due to religion?

Twas a lot down to faith, yes, but far more down to how f ucked up sex had left my earlier relationships. Not entirely sure totally abstaining was worth it or anything, but its certainly a decision we dont regret.