Anybody have a friend as a birth partner as well as/instead of partner?

And if you did, did it work out well for you?

I've been reading 'Stand and Deliver' (great book!) and after the experience of my first birth, I'm fairly convinced that I need someone there who I can rely on for emotional support in labour.  My H is fab, but not the most emotional bloke, and finds it very hard to understand how to be there for me.  I don't want him excluded from the birth of my second, but I need somebody else there!  My mum has always been really dependent on me so doesn't fit the bill (or would be hell of a gamble).

I'm thinking about doulas - experience and the ability to give some physical/practical help would be great, but am looking at about £600 which isn't impossible, but not ideal either :)

I'd love to hear your experiences of alternative birth partners.

Not me, but a friend of mine was a birth partner for one of her friends. The husband was a very blokey bloke, very squeamish when it came to blood, birth, periods etc and I think that his wife knew he'd be no use whatsoever when she was in labour, so she asked my friend to be her birth partner. It went really well for all of them - he was at the hospital and went in after baby had arrived, and she got the support she needed while she qas in labour. Do you have any close friends you would want to ask?

Cheers Radley.  Possibly one friend who I've known for years...she probably knows me best, but hasn't had any children yet herself.  But she is the kind of person who'd take it on herself to learn as much as she could to be supportive, and she gets on well with my husband.

The other alternative is an NCT friend who I've got a bond with, but because it's more of a recent friendship, it would probably either make or break it!

My friend hasn't had childen yet, but because she is so close to her friend it worked really well. I'd say to go with your friend that you've known longer rather than your nct friend...

I had my mum as well as my H and she was fab. In the end I had to go to theatre and only one person was allowed in so H cam in and my mum missed the actual birth!

It obviously depends on the relationship you have with the other person but for me,my mum was the best, she is calm, strong, etc. I was in labour a long time as it didn't progress. sam arrived 56 hours after my waters broke so I had the induction drip 36 hours after my waters broke.,

However, my second labour was really quick - about 5 hours from beginning to end and J arrived 10 mins after my waters were broken. So, I was fine with just H.

Aurora, a hitcher, is a doula (although she's on holiday so won't reply to the thread) but when she was a student doula she charged much less.That could be an option for you. Have you checked out the doula website?

Good Luck!

Thanks ladies...it just struck me that logistics with my friend could be difficult as she works full time. At least a doula would be 'on call'.

Cheers for the tip, heartnurse.  I'm going to look into student doulas and see if I click with anyone local.

I was a friend that supported my friend giving birth along with her husband.  It worked out really well because it meant there were times when we could each take a break and not feel that my friend was on her own.  (Also the pram arrived while my friend was in labour and her H got really excited about putting the pram together!!!).  Also during the car journey to hospital, it meant I could focus all my attention on my friend and her H could do all the driving

I was working full time at the time, but I told my work and they were fine about me taking 1 -2 days holiday at short notice. Fortunately it fell on a day where I didn't have any meetings so was really easy.

I'd happily do it again for any of my friends in a heartbeat and I would definitely recommend having 2 birth partners as it makes it easier for them too.

Paula, I was a birth partner for my friend. It depends on your friends job. If she has a nice boss, you may be ok. I said to mine that my friend really wanted me to be her birth partner so I may have to leave at short notice, and they were fine with it

 

My H was sure he didn't want to be at the birth of either of ours. He doesn't do pain & blood. I didn't want him there either as I didn't want to be worrying about whether he was coping. When I had my first, my 2 best friends were on call. One came to the hospital with me, as well as H, & both stayed while I was in early labour. Unfortuantely, I didn't get any further & had to have section under GA, so actually no one was with me for the birth.

Second time round, my other best friend was with me from early labour. H came to the hospital too & stayed while I laboured but was very hands off, whilst my friend was very hands on. It was her I turned to whenever I needed anything. H left when I started to push & didn't come back til I'd been stitched up. My best friend was awesome. She was a fantastic advocate for me & seemed to know what I needed even before I did.

If we have another, I'm taking my friend & leaving H at home!

I've just read the other replies. My friend had a full time & part time job, but she explained the situation to her bosses & they were fine with her taking time if needed. In the end, she only had half a day off.

Hi

I was a birthing partner for my friend her OH was there but in her words was "useless" . She said she was so glad i was there and wouldnt of been happy with just her OH, it was amazing from my experience and such a special thing to be part of! I also explained to work who were absolutley fine about it x

On the flip sid my H isnt good with pain/emotion/sympathy but it was only him at out sons birth- he did well really and was better than i thought, well after his initial reaction of laughter when i was having a contraction It helped that my whole labour was only 6 hrs though x

 

I had my mum as my 2nd birth partner and it worked brilliantly - but then she is a midwife so it would have been silly not to really!

We weren't sure in advance whether we would want it to be just H and I, so we agreed that my mum would be on standby just in case my H felt he needed extra support. As it happened he rang her after the 2nd contraction insisting she come immediately! I ended up having a very long labour (4.5 days) so it worked perfectly having 2 people there as it meant H and my mum could take it in shifts to support me whilst the other one had a break/sleep. It was also good at the hospital as it meant that one of them could go off to get a drink/snack without feeling they were leaving me on my own. I ended up having an emergency c-section so my mum missed the actual birth, but I don't think she was too bothered.

I'll hopefully be having an elective section next time, but if I didn't I would hesitate in having my mum there again.

Thanks all...perhaps I will talk to my friend about it - my bosses would probably be ok if I was doing it, but I have no idea whether hers will.  She'd be a good advocate though...bit of a rottweiler on occasion :)