What do you and our OH argue about?

His inability to see the mess around the house.  It really winds me up no end that he can walk around dropping things where he goes (he likes nothing better than taking his socks off and leaving them to fester until I pick them up).

We don't argue very often.

I'm too good at growling and ranting at what's bothering for him to get a word in at arguing, and I can almost always tell from his face what's bothering him and deal with before he blows

We do bicker quite a bit about absolutely nothing and tease each other, and that seems to avoid full on arguments. We've only had one really major one since we've been together and that was almost entirely my fault for not being honest.

We don't do 'arguements' per se...more seething resentment followed by nippy remarks that then cause 'cut-with-knife' silences but most are resolved within a matter of minutes as we don't like to argue.

Most revolve around housework or lack thereof.  OH is a stay at home dad.  if I don't help aound the house then I am not 'supporting him' and if i do help out he seems to take it as a personal slight about his ability to keep the house clean....either way we still seem to have a manky house and because I work all day I can't do anything to change the situation. 

Don't get me wrong - I know that I am truly blessed.  My daughter is well cared for and educated with her daddy at home, a healthy and filling dinner is always on the table at 5pm and things like laundry and dishes are never a problem. Problem lies with his tolerance levels for dust, clutter and dirt which are obviously much higher than mine and which he doesn't feel the need to address on a regular basis like me.

magenta x

I think we've had two 'proper' arguments since we've been together. One was about a decision with his business which he saw purely as his domain and I felt I should be involved in as it affected both our lives. The other was him being drunk and inconsiderate but it blew up into a big proper argument with us both in tears, which had never happened before!

Generally, we're both pretty easy-going and laugh most stuff off with a silly bicker - we solved housework arguements by getting a cleaner (although I know he still gets annoyed at my ability to drop things all over the house and getting bored halfway through cleaning out a cupboard, leaving a pile of clutter to wait until the next day) and we solved disagreements over our social life by getting a decent calendar - whoever put an engagement in first won. (Too many 'You can't play football, we're going to that bbq' 'No, you've known I was playing football that day for months' type arguments).

Same as everyone else really.

Housework, he just doesn't see the dirt like I do. I tried the whole 'don't clean the bathroom and eventually he will notice and do it himself', but no three weeks past and I ended up doing it. It just wasn't worth the stress of my blood boiling everytime I went to the loo.

We argue about his job, he is a police officer but it isn't the shifts we argue about but the police forces complete inability to organise anything. Which isn't really worth arguing about as there is nothing he can do but still it winds me up!

Sometimes we argue about his mum as I feel she takes advantage of him and his two younger brothers are never asked to do anything but I have learnt this causes huge rows so I tend to stay away from the subject, however he knows how I feel as i tend to go silent whenever he mentions something she has asked him to do.

Him going out and getting so drunk he throws up and always spends about a 1/4 of all our spare money for the month. He also always does this on week nights when I need to get up the next morning, so cue me at 2am screeching at him whilst he is puking into the toilet, lovely!

er.... anything? ha ha.

No really its just petty things.

We argue when:

He whines and b*tches a lot like an old woman, and complains about anywhere we go if there are more than about 5 people there. He hates anywhere 'busy'. his definition of busy and my definition of busy are massively different and this winds me up no end!

If he doesnt do things around the house my way as well this winds me up and we normally bicker, but i'm trying to stop this and actually appreciate that not all men would change the bed sheets for me, because he is trying to help because he knows i struggle with it!

he digs at my driving abilities a lot. and my mums. and his sisters. and a lot of other drivers on the road in general.

If i am having a lazy day and don't move off the sofa. he then feels obliged to bring me things and then shouts at me! i never ask him to bring me things, he does it anyway and then gets mad!

when he just sits and does nothing when i'm running around trying to get ready to go out. example a) i got up early as i couldnt sleep, the alarm was set for 9 am so we both had time to get ready and get to the station to go out for the day. when the alarm went off at 9 i said i'll just get showered. i got out the shower at ten past nine and he was still in bed. His response when i asked why 'but you were in the shower so i didnt need to get dressed yet' erm no... the alarm isnt to tell me when to get showered the alarm is to tell you when to get out of the bed! grrrrr. we left the house late and only just got on the train!

we also argue when i'm tired, mostly about his ability to sleep no matter what as this really winds me up and i feel is completely unfair! we've had some cracking rows after a night when he's kept me awake snoring, including one when i had three hours sleep between 12 and 3 and then was awake and ended up getting up at 5.30. at 6.30 i got sick of hearing him snore from upstairs so rather cruelly i must admit, went up stairs, took the duvet away, opened the curtains, and turned the radio on full blast. I can be a bit irrational and moody when i'm tired. This is when we argue the most. (funnily enough my housemates are also fantastic at spotting when i've not had enough sleep or didn't sleep well. I've snapped at them on a few occassions too and they often tell me to go and have a nap)

DWC, I have to say your argument about the alarm/shower situation sounds spectacularly unfair.  There's very few things that I could do before having a shower when I get up, not even have breakfast because that's how I wake myself up.  If you got up before him maybe the smart move would have been to have the shower before he was waking up, either that or make him a coffee for 9am so he had a reason to start waking at least?

Not having a go as such it's just that I get the impression you haven't lived together that long - after a while you learn to avoid at least some of the arguments and it seems like that one was easily avoided.

But he had his shower the night before and actually told me to set the alarm for 9 so he could get up and dressed and be ready for 9.20 when we had agreed we would leave. So i don't think i was unfair at all.

And we don't live together for financial and other reasons but that has no bearing on the situation at all. we share the work of both our houses between us

OK, fair enough, I honestly wasn't having a go and obviously didn't know the whole story.  MrSC wouldn't be able to have a shower the night before, standing under the spray is the only way he wakes up!

I will maintain that living together full time is different than staying over however much you share work, it gets you used to rubbing up against each other (sorry, pun not entirely intended) 24/7 and you do get better at managing each other's moods and annoying behaviours.  Eventually.

spacecadet_99:

1) Visitors coming - this is a big one, we both seem to get really stressed out by getting the house ready for visitors and just the fact of them coming and end up in a row.  Which is mad because as soon as they arrive we're fine, have a great time and are fine with each other.

Oh gawd, I'm with you on this one. I always stress when his parents come and small things, irritate me when I'm trying to get myself and the house ready for them....but in this case it isn't really arguing, more bickering.

OH and I don't argue very much, it's more bickering and comments about things to do with the house. We have only lived together for two years, so we are still learning about each other and how we like our houses to be "kept".

But it sounds like I am VERY lucky, as OH does most of the housework and he loves it! My "share" is only cleaning the bathroom and cooking!

The one thing that does wind me up, is if I've been out but he's been in and the cats haven't been fed / poo taken out of litter tray. As I feel that the cats should be seen to first.

DWC, I thought you'd only had one/two driving lessons?

its ok spacecadet i didn't think you were having a go. I'm just very tired! and i said above i can be very moody and touchy when tired.

and OLL i have only had two lessons but he still digs at things like my hazard perception! drives me mad!

Apart from normal bickering, the big row we have is always the same one where he has been a bully for a few days and i snap and tell him to stop ordering me about and speaking down to me / he is pissed off that i spend too much time online in the evenings / i am retreating online cos he is acting like a fucktard again and i don't want to listen to it - some screaming (me) ensues, and then he realises he's been stressed at work and taking it out on me, apologises and then everything's fine again for 3 months and then repeat to fade.

Sometimes i feel like just yelling "REFER TO PREVIOUS ROW" and leaving it at that. They are almost word for word the same!!

Wow - maybe I should count my blessings as I actually do very limited housework - OH does the vast majority of it! He's so much better at it than me anyway so it would be rude not to let him... I look after the animals, he looks after us!

Our main (repeated) argument revolves around Mr Rae (hehe, I like that!) insisting he'll be on a particular train after a night out and him never actually making it. I should realise after 5 years together that he'll get the train after the one he says he'll be on but it never fails to wind me up for some reason! Other than that, we bicker but don't really row anymore.

I'd love to get the OH's answers to this question and post it up against our own answers and look at the differences - could be very interesting!

deliciouswitchchild:

its ok spacecadet i didn't think you were having a go. I'm just very tired! and i said above i can be very moody and touchy when tired.

and OLL i have only had two lessons but he still digs at things like my hazard perception! drives me mad!

Blimey! So you've only had two lessons, but he make snide remarks! That's totally out of order if it isn't constructive.

Money or lack of it .

How much he doesn't do in the house.

His family.

His work.

Me being off sick which kinda goes back to money.