Hen weekend rant already...

First, I'm just going to say I know how lucky I am and how petty this really all is in the grand scheme of things but there's something I want to get off my chest here if I can.

I've just today started looking at hen weekends and sent out a 'feeler' text to see who would be up for it. Basically, it's a Butlins adults only weekend. Dinner, bed and breakfast for 3 nights would be £150 each which I realise is a lot of money but I've said I'd set up an account for everyone to DD into at £20 a month for next few months to spread the cost. Most have come back as a yes, count me in. One came back as 'you can't organise your own hen weekend - let me do it. Facebook me'. So I sent her a facebook message outlining what I wanted to do and said I was more than happy to organise it myself as work is very slow but if she wanted to organise evening entertainment (games etc) then I was more than happy for her to do so. I'd like to add here, she's not exactly a best friend. For example, I haven't seen her since New Year this year! She's more a 'friend of a friend' but I get along with her very well and want her at the hen weekend.

Anyway, my moan is that after I'd messaged her my ideas, I get back the message: Are you sure you want to go Butlins? So and so got burgaled (sp) there. And you want to go in April??? (yep, 3 question marks) There's a summer weekend in July which is much nearer your wedding...

Just pee all over what I want for my weekend why don't you?! I have never asked for input, she keeps offering to help when it's not exactly wanted. I want to organise a weekend I will enjoy with my friends when I want it. This is still all hypothetical anyway! Grr!

Sorry for the rant. Just feel a little deflated.

I think I would feel a bit deflated in that situation.  Is she recently wed by any chance? 

I've got no more real advice, in you situation I'd probably distance myself from her a little and not let her organise/decide anything as it seems her ideas aren't in alignment with yours at all!

I was kind of put in the same situation but with my sister, she wanted to organise it all and I have now informed her that I want to be able to organise it and know what im doing etc. I have had a few prices for weekends away doing stuff with accommodation for about £180. I did think of butlins and thought it was a brill idea.

Go for what you want, your only going to have one and so enjoy it!!!

I would let her know that quite a few of your friends are all for the idea and if she's not happy to help out then you will take up were you left off and that you appreciate her offer, be straight with her, if she takes it the wrong way then yu don't want her taking part anyway

Hello

I wouldnt say your being petty its your hen do!!!  I was CBM for one of my bestest friends last year, and it was a nightmare organising it, she understandably didnt just want to go around our local town in the pubs so together we decided to go to Birmingham (half hour away), money was tight so this seemed ideal, i contacted a spa who offered us a deal on treatments and champagne and chocolates etc sounded lovely and then we planned going for a meal and on to a club, staying over in a travel lodge, all of this was going to cost us around £60 each including train travel.  My mate was chuffed to bits and was convinced everyone would be up for it.  However after promises of yes cant wait, it soon turned to i don't want to do that, or i cant afford it.  Eventually we still ended up going to Birmingham but because her step mum wanted to go shopping thats what we had to do!!! My mate hates shopping, she was so fed up and quite upset, especially as those who 'couldn't afford the spa' were spending loads in shops!!! We had a little chat on our own and i promised her i will take her to the spa on our own and treat her like she's the bride to be (havent done it yet as a year to the day of her wedding she had a son) but i will do. 

So all i am saying is please do what you want to do, not please others true friends will want to be with you no matter what you do.  It sounds excellent by the way, can i come ha ha!!!!  Its my wedding this winter and i'm arranging my own hen do and doing what the hell i want and if some of um dont like it which no doubt they will they dont have to come do they!!!!

(sorry for going on and on) x

Hmm, she's been married for a couple of years I think so not too long. I just don't think it's her kind of thing and she probably sees Butlins as 'slumming it'.

I really thought I was overreacting so am glad you have both agreed with me. Just need a polite way of telling her to back off now.

I feel really mean but I want the weekend I want if that makes sense? Not someone else's ideal hen night!

Ah stick to your guns! I am going to be the primary organiser for mine because I wouldn't have it any other way. I am sure I will have a few surprises. 

I had a night at my sisters recently with my other BM & my sisters best friend (who would come on my hen).

Now I've very carefully thought out all my ideas & pretty sure what I want -my sister's friend was very much 'but you can't have that, how about this'. I came away feeling very deflated thinking that no-one would like my ideas or want to come on my hen (not true) so I know how you feel! 

Thanks all for your replies. I think your idea is good debs1701 but would have to tread very carefully with telling her that if it came to it!

Reply was:

Hmmm, well not been there myself but a bit apprehensive cos **** went there once with his Dad (so nice Family hol) and got broken into!

Are you sure about April??? It's a very long time before your Wedding. They've got a hot summer party (whatever that is) in July (2nd) which is at least much closer to your wedding?

I'll have a little think of ideas for you! xx

How completely down on my ideas is that? The more I read it, the more upset with it I get!

In the grand scheme of things though, there is a lot worse going on in the world.

I  would now uninvite her!  Plan your own hen weekend and have it your way.

(trying not to ruin your plans.. but are you sure butlins accepts large groups of all women? I know some places don't x)

i think you really need to talk to her love because its not worth her making you feel so deflated and rubbishy about something you're supposed to enjoy and celebrate with your friends. You say she's a friend of a friend and it sounds like she might not know you as well as some of your closer mates? i don't know. Personally i want to plan my own, or i would only trust my very very best friends with it. My middle sister is insisting she plans my hen do and i flat out said no because she would do what she wants, not what i want. That seems to be whats happening here to you.

Just gently tell her you are doing it that way for your own reasons and you like the ideas you have come up with and you think your friends and sisters/BMs etc will too, so would appreciate if she could please at least do you the courtesy of listening to you.

I agree with what everyone else has said, its your hen weekend so it needs to be perfect for you (not a friend of a friend!)

(not that you need to..) maybe explain that you dont want a crazy weekend too close to your wedding as you want to detox and get ur skin glowing for your big day.

You have made me worry slightly about mine now, my CBM is meant to be organising mine, but I have decided that im gonna have 2 nights away with a cocktail making class on one of the days (it is sooo me!) so I may tell her thats what I want and get her to do the rest.

Good luck sorting it out xxx

its your weekend you do what you want to do, personally i have been to butlins adult only weekends, 1 was a hen weekend and 2 girly weekends, i absolutly love it, there is something there for everyone, if thats what you want to do then do it and i hope you have a fab time.

lou x x

I know you're all right but... Does someone else want to tell her?!

Personally, I'm really looking forward to it and am pleased you had a good experience of a hen weekend there Louise.

Like I said before, I just think she thinks Butlins is 'below her'. Oh well, if she doesn't like it she doesn't have to come!!

I've not heard back from her after I replied to the message I posted in previous post. Maybe I was a little harsh in my response but I basically put 'this is where I want to go and I'm going in April because I have exams in July'. Exams are in June so a little fib but that was as much justify of my choice as i was prepared to do!

x

Not being funny but I think you are overreacting slightly.  I don't think she was being deliberately awkward I just think she was offering alternative suggestions.  If you wanted to have so much control then you shouldn't have handed it over to her.

penguin1977:

Not being funny but I think you are overreacting slightly.  I don't think she was being deliberately awkward I just think she was offering alternative suggestions.  If you wanted to have so much control then you shouldn't have handed it over to her.

That's fair enough, everyone's entitled to their own view and am more than happy to take it on board.

However, I haven't actually handed anything over to her; I am more than happy to arrange the weekend myself and will actually quite enjoy doing it. I just told her what I was thinking of doing and that she was welcome to arrange evening entertainment if she so wanted (games etc) and she's come up with alternative suggestions for the actual weekend which weren't wanted.

And I don't think she's being deliberately awkward either, I just think she wants to arrange a hen weekend to her tastes which aren't to mine. It's an each to their own thing but my frustration was more that she's telling me I can't arrange my own weekend as it will be too much for me to do and then putting down what I've said I wanted and telling me what I should do instead.