UPDATE PG 3 - Wedding guest dilemma - not really a WWYD but what do you think?

I think it's very irresponsible - do they intend letting everyone know so they can chose not to go?  While you know of the pregnancy/chemo people there may be others who equally should not risk getting the pox.  Do the b and g realise how serious it can be?  Also I agree that them sitting at a different table won't make a lot of difference.

We only had small 2 kids at our wedding (niece and nephew of H who were "on" the wedding, and if the same thing happened, even thoguh we didn't have any obviously ill/vulnerable guests I have said sorry but they couldn't go unless defintely not contagious)

Carrie74:

Hang on though.  If they know the child has chicken pox, there's a 5 day incubation period.  The first day you're unlikely to know as it's an uncertain day, today's Thursday and I'm presuming the wedding is Saturday?  I'm presuming maybe a couple of days' communication time by the time the news got to you.  Is there any chance this poor child will actually have had the pox for 5 days by the time the wedding comes around?  If so, I wouldn't be worried about his attendance in the slightest - he might look a bit grim (scabby), but he shouldn't be contagious.  AFAIK 5 days' isolation is the limit on schools, nurseries etc.

The child will be contagious until all the spots have appeared and scabbed over. They often appear over several days. My daughter has just had it and it was 7 days from the appearance of the first spots until they had all scabbed over. And she didn't get it that badly. My daughter's nursery will only take children back once all their spots have scabbed over, regardless of how many days it is.

It is hard for the B&G but they should be saying that unless the child is no longer contagious he can't come to the wedding. I can't think why anyone would want to drag him there anyway. It can make you thoroughly miserable and to have a child there who constantly wants to scratch would be awful for all concerned. Never mind the other guests who don't want to catch it.

Just to add, Mr Hole's nephews didn't come to our wedding because both boys were ill, so his sister came alone and her husband stayed home to look after them.  Although they took the decision themselves so we didn't have to worry about it.  But I think missing things and spouses having to go events alone is fairly common when you have young children, I'm surprised the parents haven't suggested it themselves, tbh.

Also, I am now wondering why I'm so invested in a wedding I'm not even going to

Assuming niece and nephew are brother/sister rather than cousins - even if nephew is past contagious stage by the wedding his sister may well be incubating it and contagious.

Update:

Well I've just spoken to one of the pregnant ones from our uni mates - she actually spoke to the groom last night. The spots only started apeparing yesterday which means the nephew is still very contagious.

We're both going to contact him with our concerns tonight and tell him outright we don't think child should be there - I think she's wondering about not coming, even though she's already had CP.

What's worse, and something I didn't know, groom's father is a doctor himself and really should know this and have told his daughter not to bring the child.

And I really don't fancy getting shingles, no matter how small the risk. I also don't fancy potentially being the carrier of the pox back to my office!

He was only going through the uni mates group to find people - I'm guessing the wider circle of guests will know nothing.

Gosh Alison that's awful I totally see why you're worried and I'm surprised about the doctor dad a bit too tbh.  I'd never forgive myself as the b/g if something happened to someone (pox related) after we'd knowingly had a chicken poxed child at the wedding.

alison76:

And I really don't fancy getting shingles, no matter how small the risk. I also don't fancy potentially being the carrier of the pox back to my office!

I agree that the children shouldnt be going but just wanted to clear up a couple of things. If you have had CP before you are probably immune and if you are immune you will not be a carrier for anything. Also you will not catch shingles. Its the same virus.

Carrie74:

Hang on though.  If they know the child has chicken pox, there's a 5 day incubation period.  The first day you're unlikely to know as it's an uncertain day, today's Thursday and I'm presuming the wedding is Saturday?  I'm presuming maybe a couple of days' communication time by the time the news got to you.  Is there any chance this poor child will actually have had the pox for 5 days by the time the wedding comes around?  If so, I wouldn't be worried about his attendance in the slightest - he might look a bit grim (scabby), but he shouldn't be contagious.  AFAIK 5 days' isolation is the limit on schools, nurseries etc.

Gingey Wife:

alison76:

And I really don't fancy getting shingles, no matter how small the risk. I also don't fancy potentially being the carrier of the pox back to my office!

I agree that the children shouldnt be going but just wanted to clear up a couple of things. If you have had CP before you are probably immune and if you are immune you will not be a carrier for anything. Also you will not catch shingles. Its the same virus.

 

Ah - that's good to know - thanks.

In which case, we'll probably still go.

i can't believe the B&G are even considering having a poxed child attend their wedding! that's absolute lunacy and completely irresponsible.

it's unfair on guests and the poor child will feel rough as anything, imagine being dragged out to a wedding when all you want to do is curl up and watch peppa pig (or whatever it is children of that age watch, prob not peppa pig on reflection )

DS had Chicken pox earlier this year, and frankly wouldn't have felt like going anywhere whilst he was suffering. Plus his spots did not scab over for the full 10 so was contagious for the whole time.

Also my Dad has recently finished Chemo, he was advised that it would be fine for him to see DS as Dad was immune to CP having had it as a child, but both dad and I decided it would be safer not to risk him being exposed to it at all.

Read this link http://www.nhs.uk/conditions/Chickenpox/Pages/Introduction.aspx?url=Pages/what-is-it.aspx Especially note the following:

"Chickenpox spreads via tiny droplets of saliva and nasal mucus in sneezes and coughs from an infected person. The virus is already in these droplets, which is why it spreads so fast. "

It's awkward, but I think someone needs to say something - the pregnant lady might be the best person as she has a cast iron reason for doing so, but it is incredibly irresponsible to bring a contagious child along to the wedding, unless the B&G plan to issue all the guests with gas masks of course!  Whichever parent is related to the bride/groom should go and the other parent should stay at home with both children (in case the girl is incubating).

I wouldn't mind sharing a table with the poxy child, but that's not really the point, he shouldn't be there or the wedding could well be remembered for all the wrong reasons as the guests start coming down with the pox.  A mate of mine had it as an adult and he really suffered.  I'd be spitting chips if I went to a wedding and then came down with a contagious illness as a result.

Coming to this late but I agree that the B&G need to ask/tell the parents not to bring the child.

I had this happen at a clients wedding and the Bride stated that the child couldn't come. It was slightly helped by the fact that all children were in a creche for the meal and it was stated that child with anything like this couldn't be cared for so the Bride had a good excuse/reason to give.

There's no way I'd want to be with a poxy child but then I catch everything going, so I'd avoid like the plague!

I think its terrible that the B&G are even considering letting the child attend. CP s very contagious you can get it more than once & why should other guests be put at risk of catching it.

My 2 boys have both had 5 times since 2001 & ive had it 7 times in 20 yrs.

I'm really surprised that the parents of the children are still considering taking them.  My daughter was exposed to chicken pox on Saturday (we didn't know, spots appeared on her cousin on Sunday).  Because she could be contagious but not have the spots yet next week then we will not be going anywhere to ensure we don't spread it.  Will be a nightmare not being stuck at home with a 9 week old but I daren't risk it.

The health visitor told me not to take Zoe to the doctors surgery and they would send someone out if necessary to avoid infecting any pregnant women there.